Thanksgiving, and then Christmas, and New Years. It’s a wonderful time of year. But, when you are hurting it can so, so hard. This year, I am hurting. I am doing all the things that I can do. I am praying. I am breathing (yoga). I am taking all the cares of myself that I can. I am laughing with friends and crying with friends. God is so good. Even in the depths we can still laugh. But, I am hurting and the holidays require a lot. A lot of small talk. Small talk is like dying a million tiny deaths over and over again. It really is hell on earth.
“How are you?”
“Fine”…”not fine?”
Ugh, it’s all so awkward. I want to make it magical for everyone. Really, all I’ve ever wanted was for everyone to be happy. I’m so sensitive. I immediately feel responsible when those around me are upset, or disappointed. I feel certain it is definitely, 100% my fault. Why, I think this responsibility is mine alone, I have no idea. But, this year, in the midst of pain I have got to find a way out. A way to love others without sinking deeper into my own pain.
What’s wrong? Obvious question. Honestly, I’m just in a hard Season. I know that I have so much to be thankful for, really I do. Which makes hurting feel even worse. But, we all have seasons. Season’s that hurt. Our kids grow up, our marriages get hard, making it all happen becomes too much. I’m there, in the midst. But, I’m the Mom, the wife, the daughter. I’m the Church member, the volunteer in the community, doing my best. I’m doing all of the things, but I’m hurting.
The holidays add an extra amount of feelings to an already “life survival” day to day situation. Maybe you are there too. Maybe you aren’t. You will inevitably be around people that are hurting during the holidays.
Be kind. Be gentle. If you are the one hurting, it’s ok to just show up. It’s ok to not be everything to everyone. It’s ok to just breathe. You are enough.
All my love, Erin
I hear and feel what you are saying! I do believe talking about it helps. Sending prayers, hugs and love ❣️❣️ T